Jerrod:
I would like to draw your attention to a few things: usually, most fabric softeners are cationic detergents; usually, most laundry detergents are anionic and/or non-ionic; there are some zwitterionic surfactants too, but those tend to be more expensive.
Some surfactants (soap, some old-style fabric softeners) can be made with tallow or even vegetable fats -- that does not mean that they *contain* the original fats anymore, only that the fats were reacted with other ingredients to make the product. The use of vegetable fats and/or tallow as a "fabric softener" per se has been abandoned, as far as I can tell, since the time synthetic detergents were introduced to the public.
Currently, most fabric softeners are made of quaternary ammonium compounds which are cationic surfactants. They work mostly because they neutralize the anionic surfactants in laundry detergents. When dosed appropriately, there'll be little leftover on the garments. When people overdose, you have the classic "towels fail to absorb water". That can also happen when either the detergent or the softener leaves excess silicone (particularly the brands that advertise easier ironing).
The problem you are describing with your pump may come from several places, but I think the chances it came from your laundry products are small. It's more probable it came from fuel oil that seeped, say, from the soil near your basement into the sump, usually from leaking tanks (yours or neighbors'), or even from failing ball bearings in the pump itself which leaked their lubricant (although that would be a much smaller deposit).
In your shoes, I'd first start checking the soil around the sump for fuel oil leaks.
Cheers,
-- Paulo.