Domestic arts, domestic virtues

[Designgeek]

I was reading some of the archives and came across a post from 2001, by someone who bemoaned the decline of the domestic arts in modern America. He asked (paraphrasing here), "how many people today know the proper way to keep a house, sort their laundry, iron a shirt, bake a cake, or have a dinner party?"

I recall when I was a kid, living in a middle-class neighborhood where families always sat down to dinner together, meals were always cooked fresh, houses were always clean inside, the yards always neatly kept, and people treated each other with manners. We called our parents Mom and Dad, and called the neighbor grownups Mr. this and Mrs. that. The radio was filled with love songs, and television was at least balanced and decorous.

Since that time I've seen many neighborhoods, similar on the outside, where similar houses were messy as hell inside, if not downright unsanitary; where dinner was a series of random events and packaged foods; where yards were maintained not by the families themselves but by people they hired. The kids speak of Mom and her boyfriend, and Dad and his girlfriend, as they shuttle from Mom's house to Dad's house depending on which weekend of the month it is, and they call all the grownups by their first names. The radio vomits up lyrical tributes to gangsterism, the television pours out a similar glamorization of criminal violence, and the language is as far from decorous as a turd is from a teacup.

OK, I'm "square," fine, so be it

Cooking and cleaning, washing and sewing, taking care of the kids and taking care of the social life of the community: these used to be considered "womens' work," while men were out earning the family income. Then women entered the workforce, and men, it seemed, didn't pick up their fair share at home.

Then came the increasing spiral of time-pressure due to an expanding work week and increasingly long commutes. The transition was first revealed through the phrase "quality time," in the attempt to get back what had been taken away. Finally today, the loss of time is quantified by the cellphone companies in the form of the ubiquitous, expensive, and forever dwindling "minutes" that have replaced the hours and formerly the days by which we used to measure our lives.

I think I see a pattern here, and a way forward.

The domestic arts go hand in hand with the domestic virtues: family, home, hearth, community, the wider social fabric. Taking care of each, helps take care of the other. When one declines, the other follows, and how fast the decline sets in!

So here are the key question: What are the domestic arts? What should we expect a home-maker to know, and to know how to do (regardless of gender or the composition of one's family) in the 21st century? What are the virtues expressed in these ways? And what can we do to foster a resurgence of these small but vital elements of a civilized life?

 

[tolivac]

Yes,I remember those days-wish I could board the next time machine!I remember the "Domestic arts" as something like "Home Economics"Girls ususally signed up for that class in high school as the boys signed up for shop classes.Would have liked to have taken the Home Econmics as well.I did take shop--The big problem in the "families" now is both parents work to support the household and to support greedy kids--you know to buy them that next video game!and as a result they hire a maid service to do the "domestic duties" and the gardener is hired to do the outside work-not only time-many folks just DON'T WANT to do those-I enjoy them really-I like mowing the lawn or doing the various household jobs.Gives the vacs a workout!!and of course my limited laundry equipment collection.And I like the kitchen food prep jobs too-gives my collection of kitchen equipment a workout.I have a book or two on "domestic Duties" one from the '30's and another from the '50's.Very good reading.

 

[kenmore1978]

Domestic duties

Even the "broken home" excuse isn't valid, I was raised by my maternal Grandparents and Granny used to teach me household stuff, saying "you'll need to know this when you go out on your own". So today, I'm the only one who sorts their clothes by fabric type, weight and color, everybody else just throws everything together in the same load, which makes for unbalanced washer and overdried or underdried dryer loads. Had one roommate who thought he had to empty the paper bag in my Hoover PortaPower rather than put a new bag in, with the consequence that he punctured the bag letting dirty air go through the motor. I thought EVERYBODY knew that you replace paper bags when they are full, but I guess I was wrong. And he can't cook anything more difficult than pizza. Since I started cooking more myself in order to make it easier to stay on the Atkins Diet, I've started using my small appliance collection a lot more. It was just gathering dust in cabinets. It's been fun using them more.

 

[drmitch]

A clean home is a happy home!

Well said, Juan. My grand mother went thru the Great depression with the motto waste not want not. They never had much but what they had was clean and tidy! They knew they had to make things last as long as they possibly could.Some of this rubbed off on me(thank goodness)and now I`ve developed an appreication of her ideals and for these old appliances that were built to last a long time.

 

[Designgeek]

Yes!, "waste not, want not", my parents and grandparents lived by that one also, as do I. Including, for example, not putting more food on one's plate than can be eaten (i.e. not wasting food), not leaving lights on when not in a room, etc.

My brother and my sister-in-law are highly capable domestically. They're also practically master chefs who can do no wrong in the kitchen. And their kids (2, 5, and 7 respectively) are so kind and loving you'd think they came out of an earlier time.

One thing I observed is that the kids are proud of helping with housework, for instance today their 5-year-old daughter said proudly that she'd vacuumed the downstairs, and their 7-year-old son eagerly offered to help with something in the kitchen. There's a sense of consistent discipline, for example that rewards have to be earned.

I agree, Kenmore1978, it doesn't depend on the conventional configuration of parents in the household, it has more to do with knowledge passed from an older generation to the kids, even if a generation is skipped. There are many families where grandparents play a bigger role in their kids lives than the parents. This is more true today where a young couple in difficult economic circumstances might have both parents working two jobs each, and living with their parents (the kids' grandparents), in fact that arrangement is becoming very common.

In fact, in some places, even serious poverty doesn't cause domestic traditions to break down. I recall reading an article by a journalist who traveled in the Middle East, commenting on the life in a part of a Turkish city that, externally, looked like a slum. The houses were almost shacks when seen from outside, but when you stepped inside, what you saw was orderly and scrupulously clean, decorated in a meaningful way, and always welcoming to guests. Families made the effort to live in a dignified manner, and it was successful despite limited resources.

Yet in other places, poverty seems to cause rather complete destruction of home life. The same journalist reported on life in another city in another part of the world where this was the case (I can't recall specifically where). The difference appeared to be that in Turkey, the culture and sense of community stay strong regardless of prosperity or poverty, but in the other place, the culture was shredded when the economy went down the drain.

And conversely, excess of wealth can also shred the domestic fabric, for example especially when sudden new wealth leads to an attitude that one doesn't have to live in a disciplined manner.

I think there is a generalization that can be made about the self-discipline factor. It always seems to be connected to the sense of pride in the results of one's efforts.

Now here's an interesting question. In an age where clothing can be incredibly inexpensive, do people take the time to sew and mend their clothes? When I was a kid it was common to patch one's worn bluejeans, and sew up small tears or other such imperfections that occurred due to wear. But today it seems it's "too easy" to just replace old clothes. I get the sense that the kind of culture the media tries to promote, makes it difficult to take a stand in favor of repairing clothes and/or wearing what we used to call "hand-me-downs."

I also get the idea that in the coming times of resource scarcity due to "peak oil" and other sustainability crises, wearing "hand-me-downs" will come to be a matter of pride. For example, wearing a shirt one got from one's father or older brother, will be seen as showing pride in one's family's ability to make things last. As in the 1930s depression, an entire set of skills that are now taken for granted will have much to do with the ability to maintain a comfortable home.

 

[davenp]

I think the bigger question here is how can we morph the good values and skills of yesterday in to todays world.

My wife is a classic example of someone who had parents that didn't teach her anything she would need to know in the real world. Her three, maybe four attempts at cooking have resulted in a visit from the local fire squad. Her laundry skills consisted of putting whatever was in the basket in to the machine and adding not only detergent to wash cycle but also Doweny, bleach and a couple of softner sheets. Her ironing... you have less wrinkles before she STARTS it. Finally, she's not messy but how to use a vacuum cleaner just seems to escape her.

That said, she's best durn wife & mother anyone could ever ask for.

What about the notion that in todays world both parents have to work to support the family? Could my wife not work? Absolutely. I make enough as a Family Practitioner to support our family and if she quit tomorrow we wouldn't have to change our lifestyle in the least. However... aside from her family my wife has another love; which would be medicine. If I told her tomorrow she couldn't be an Ob/Gyn anymore she'd probably shoot me.

So how, with both parents working do we make sure our kids grow up to be good people, get an education and have a clue about what to do around the house? My kids don't see mom & dad doing household chores, we do hire those out. It essentially boils down to either cleaning and doing yard work or spending time together as a family. Ofcourse, being a laundromaniac I do all our familys laundry and iron our shirts (I'm really bad a slacks so they go to the cleaners to be pressed) and I do involve my little girl (She's seven. My son will be 1 in Jan so he's a little bit young to be using the Kenmore) in the laundry and ironing chores and truth be told she could teach her mother a few things

Another thing that was brought out was how children need to learn to work for things. I guess we're getting that wrong. Both of my parents are physicians and I was raised as a child you "got things" because my parents worked hard to get an education and if I wanted these things when I got older I had to do the same. We really try to instill in our children that what they have, they have because their parents worked very hard for an education and are able to provide these things. Doesn't mean they have to be a physician or a nurse but it means they have to go to school and work hard.

Ofcourse, we also have to consider that now-a-days we have what some would call "non-tradidtional" familes. Today some children have two daddys or two mothers. Does that change what kind of people they children they raise will become? Absolutely not. However society will certainly make it harder (in some places atleast) for them as parents to do their job. Some even wonder if these people should be parents? Personally I think that point is mute. My brother happens to be married to a wonderful guy and I'm certain they would be great parents. My best friend is married to another woman and they have an infant son. Is that child going to be marred by the fact two women are raising him? Highly doubt it. I think if you give a child love, values and a good home the rest pretty much takes shape on its own.

I guess my point (and I swear I do have one) is that while these values of the past seem the ipitomy of life, we need to adapt that to todays family. Many of those traits and skills MUST be learned by todays children. But just because we have takeout instead of a four course meal, as long as we're sitting at the table and eating as a family... that's what matters.

Hope that makes a little sense to everyone.

Dave

 

[Unimatic1140]

Dave your post above was a pleasure to read and I couldn't agree with you more. Its fun to take the things from the vintage world we know and love and meld it together with the good things of life in the 21st century and have the best of both.

From one laundromaniac to another, Happy Holidays to you and your family.

 

[Designgeek]

Yes, yes, and yes.

I agree, gender of parents is irrelevant; what matters is love and consistency. When societal prejudices make it rough on diverse kinds of families, the children suffer. It's the prejudice that's in the wrong, not the family.

So, DavenP, I have a naive question. If I understand your posting, y'all don't cook in the house, but get a lot of takeout, and presumably nuke up a lot of insta-meals. Yet you have family dinner hour where everyone is present together. Is that correct? If so, it's a datapoint that doesn't match one of my hypotheses, so I'm interested to hear more, and hear from other people who might be doing things the same way. I get the sense my hypothesized correlation between cooking together and eating together is not as tight as I expected.

Sounds like in your case, the time pressure comes from your both being fulltime physicians. In my case as a telecom engineer (and single), I have limited free time, so insta-meals keep my microwave busy and me fed well enough; I haven't picked up my family's master-chef skill set. Yet. Heh, I'm visiting the folks right now and re-thinking my priorities re. time constraints vs. quality of food. Though, it will take having a decent kitchen, which in turn will probably wait until I buy a house next year.

Another skill set that I think has been a part of traditional home life, has to do with the kinds of minor construction tasks that are typical in a household. The ability to work competently with wood, sheetrock, concrete/masonry, and minor electrical, seems to be on the decline among homeowners. At one point it seemed that every family had something like a workshop or at least a workbench in the house, usually in the garage or basement.

I agree about taking the best elements of the old ways and the best elements of the new. Our task is, as Aldous Huxley said, "to make the best of both worlds."

 

[ironrite]

Ah, then I have the complete book for you!

"The House and It's Care" Copyright 1940.

My sister finds odd and unusual books for me. It appears this one could be used for a home economics class for senior high school or junior college level. It teaches the housewife to be, everything from decorating, plumbing, construction, laundry and how to schedule her day to day activities.

Hopefully this photo will come out as it shows the latest in gas dryers for the time.

 

[tolivac]

Minor construction task

A useful power tool for those tasks was a Shopsmith--I now have 2-but no time to use them.I have a MK5 model and a Model 10ER.My dad used to have the 10ER-remember it as a kid.He used it for lots of home projects and building furniture.I would like the furniture part-but the price of lumber is skyrocketing.For the price of the lumber these days--you could just buy the furniture.In North Carolina-it is considered the furniture making capitol of the US-High Point esp.You get good prices on it here.Another thing on that 10ER-the headstock and tailstock castings are CAST IRON-it was heavier than the Mk5. Its head and tailstock castings are aluminum.Its still a good machine.
Ironrite: I have a similar book-its older than 1940-have to find it.It is some kind of homecare text. also have one on buying foods.I esp like the vacuum cleaners in the book-The Hoover and the upright AirWay-a really neat machine.The writer of the book rates the Hoover and the AirWay as the most effective.They had a chaptor on wringer washers.

 

[ironrite]

Just checking back and the darn picture didn't work right. I'll try again. It's a lady loading clothes into a large cabinet type dryer. Sort of like the new Maytag units.

Another book for helping out the family unit that had fallen on hard times is called "Orchids on Your Budget." This one shows up on eBay from time to time. It's a primer for those folks that had lost their money in the depression, yet still wanted to live the good life. It give sensible tips, such as finding a cheap apartment in a good neighborhood. Or trying to fix up that run down mansion in a moderate neighborhood.

Ok, here goes the picture again.

 

[tolivac]

cabinet dryer

Ironrite:Like the picture of the cabinet dryer-yes a forerunner to the Maytag unit sold today.Would have to figure those could use many diffrent sources of heat.The "Orchids on Your budget" sounds like a good book to look for.

 

[kenmore1978]

cooking

Designgeek, I have friends in the Bay Area, when I come up, maybe we could meet and I'll show you how to cook for one even in a small kitchen (my kitchen is ridiculously small, but it CAN be done) so you have variety, better food, and a sense of pride that YOU did it and didn't pick it up off a shelf. I'm still thanking Granny for making me the "domestic" type that I am. Now if only someone would "marry" me so I could make a good home for them