"reading off their scripted responses"
There are few things more enraging than calling my DSL tech support when there is a "service interruption" to find out why. The calls generally go something like this:
ME: [after pressing 1 for this, 2 for that, 1 for this, 3 for that, 4 for this, 7 for that, 9 for this and then Star+69 for that, then going into the hold queue and listening to muzak arrangements of Barry Manilow hits for 30-35 minutes] I am calling to find out why I don't have DSL service.
INDIA: Very well, sir. First of all please allow me to profusely apologize for your inconvenience. Now, could you please verify that your computer and modem are connected.
ME: Yes they are.
INDIA: Ver well, sir. Let us now restart your computer and reinstall your "InternetNOW" interface software.
ME: There is nothing wrong with my "InternetNOW" interface software. The problem is that I do not have an internet connection.
INDIA: Very well, sir. Please allow me to profusely apologize for your inconvenience. Now, could you please verify that your computer and modem are turned on and have power.
ME: Yes, they are.
INDIA: Very well, sir. Now then, we need to verify the settings of your TCPIP interface.
ME: There is nothing wrong with my TCPIP interface. The problem is that I do not have an internet connection.
INDIA: Very well, sir. Please allow me to profusely apologize for your inconvenience. Now, could you please verify that your modem is connected to the telephone service jack, and that it is also connected to your computer via the Ethernet cable. You can tell the two cables apart because the Ethernet cable has a larger connector on it.
ME: There is nothing wrong with my modem cable or my Ethernet cable. The problem is that I do not have an internet connection.
INDIA: Very well, sir. Please allow me to profusely apologize for your inconvenience. Now, could you please verify that your phone service is current and that you have paid your bill.
ME: If there was a problem with my phone service, how could I be making this call to you?
INDIA: Very well, sir. Please allow me to profusely apologize for your inconvenience. Now, then, what we are required to do is erase your hard drive, re-initialize it, and then re-install all your software.
ME: [After ripping the phone from the wall, throwing it across the room where it shatters into a thousand little plastic bits] {{{*SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM!!!*}}}
And So It Goes.