Stupid joke

[lightedcontrols]

light bulb

CHANGING A LIGHT BULB

THE CHRISTIAN WAY
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic : Only 1
Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal : 10
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians : None
Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic : None
Candles only.

Baptists : At least 15.
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken .

Episcopalians: 3
One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons : 5
One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians :
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists : Undetermined
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

Nazarene : 6
One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None
Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish :
What's a light bulb?

 

[jasonl]

Baptists : At least 15.
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken .

LOL! I'm a Suddern Babdist myself, and hate to say it, you're about right. Bring dat tater salad over here and dat good ol' fried chicken. Oh don't that laht bubb look purty.

 

[Maytagmom]

Not a joke

But something I thought funny.

 

[toggleswitch]

Dear UK=> sadly we call gasoline and naural gas *GAS* Petrol

OMG gas goes IN from there? I thought that is where gas was supposed to exit from.....

 

[mixfinder]

Hoses

Rape at the Gas Station by:

Who Pumped Ethyl

 

[jasonl]

If only cars ran off the gas that exits the human body.

 

[thor]

Why do dogs keep licking their b...s?

Because they can.

 

[mixfinder]

Lick their B&ll&

Two guys were walking down the street when they came upon a dog, licking his testicles.

One man looked at the other and said, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

"Better see if you can pet him, first," The other replied.

 

[knitwits1975]

Not ready for this thread to die yet!

THE DONKEY AUCTION

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and
bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00.

The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the
next day.

The next day the farmer drove up and said,
"Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey
died."

Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my
money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and
spent it already."

Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey."

The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"

Kenny, "I'm going to raffle him off."

Farmer, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

Kenny, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't
tell anybody he is dead."

A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and
asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"

Kenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets
at two dollars a piece and made a profit of
$898.00."

Farmer, "Didn't anyone complain?"

Kenny," just the guy who won. So I gave him
his two dollars back."

Kenny grew up and eventually became the
chairman of Enron.

 

[knitwits1975]

Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde.
He immediately turns to her and makes his move.

"You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you
strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says
to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says the guy, smiling. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let
me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the
same stuff -- grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow
turns
out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop.
Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest
idea."

"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to
discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

 

[knitwits1975]

FEMA's new plan

 

[SactoTeddyBear]

Re: Blonde Woman on the Plane:

A Blonde Woman was sitting in her seat in the Coach part of the Plane and she got curious to know what it was like in the 1st Class section. She went in and sat in a Seat and the Flight Attendant came up to her and told her that she paid for a Coach Seat and she would have to go back to the Coach Section.

She told the Flight Attendant that she was Blonde, she was Beautiful, she was going to Hawaii and she wasn't going to leave the 1st Class Section.

The Flight Attendant went to the Captain and told him what was happening, so the Captain went up to the Blonde and whispered in her Ear. She got up and went back to her Seat in the Coach Section.

The Flight Attendant asked the Captain, what he whispered in the Blonde Woman's Ear, to make her go back to her Seat in the Coach Section?

The Captain told the Flight Attendant, that he told the Blonde Woman, that 1st Class wasn't going to Hawaii...

 

[knitwits1975]

What salad was served on the Titanic?

Iceberg!
What coffee was served on the Titanic?

Sanka!
What Dessert was served on the Poseidon?

Turnovers!

 

[perc-o-prince]

Why did the turkey cross the road?
The chicken had the day off!

Sorry, I drive a school bus!
Chuck

 

[bobbyderegis]

You guys have WAYYY too much time on your hands!
Bobby in Boston

 

[toggleswitch]

I went into the gas station today and asked for five dollars worth of gas.

The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.

 

[toggleswitch]

We’ve all heard about people having guts or ba**s

But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below….

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”

BA**S - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the ba**s to say: “You’re next.”

I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject.

 

[toggleswitch]

September 11.

Divorce American Style

 

[toggleswitch]

The place to be?

.

 

[jasonl]

There's town in Austria...

Warning - the link is not safe for work or kids.

Is Austria Home to a Town Named Fucking?

Let's take a look at photographic evidence.

www.snopes.com