Stupid joke

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Hunting With Dad

A father and son went hunting together for the first time. The father said
"Stay here and be very QUIET, I'll be across the field."

A little while later, the father heard a bloodcurdling scream and ran back
to his son. "What's wrong?" the father asked. "I told you to be quiet."

The boy, bless his heart, answered, "Look, I was quiet when the snake
slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck.
I didn't move a muscle when the skunk climbed over my shoulder. I closed my
eyes
and held my breath when the wasp stung me. I didn'tcough when I swallowed
the gnat. I didn't cuss or scratch when the poison oak started itching. But
when the two squirrels crawled up my pant legs and one of them said,
'Should we eat them here or take them with us?'

Well...I guess I just panicked!
 
Re: Big and Little Airplanes:

A Mother and Son were walking towards the Terminal, waiting for the call to board the Plane.

The Son asks his Mother, "Mommy, do the Big Airplanes, make the Little Airplanes?"

The Mother thinks for a minute and see's a Pilot coming towards them. She tells her Son to ask the Pilot the same Question.

The Son asks the Pilot if their Big Airplanes make their Little Airplanes? The Pilot thought for a minute and replied:

No Son, our Big Airplanes can't make our Little Airplanes, because "PSA" always pulls out on time...
 
oh child, I DO crack myself up sometimes.

The French *ARACHIDE* is comparable to the Greek
*ARCHIDIA* DO NOT ASK YIAYIA WHAT THAT MEANS! *LOL*

In English (and probably in French) it's a funny play on words. In Greek there is no doubt as to what you are saying.

Bottom line. It's much funnier if you are a poly-glot.
Right Dave in PA?
 
Well-------here it goes-------

A man is in money troubles with his company and feels he had no where to turn to. He askes a minister what he should do. The minister tells this man what do to to find guidence. #1. Take a Bible w/ a lawn char in your trunk. #2--Drive to beach and sit there with the Bible in your lap--wait 15 minutes, open the Bible and where ever your eyes fall, count that as guidence. "Will you do that?" The minister asked? The man replied that he would.Time passes and the minister never hears from the man. One day a long Limosene pulls up and the man gets out looking very well apointed and walks over to the minster."What happened? What happened?" The minister asked." I took your advise" the man replied. " I took the lawn chair and went to to beach and put the Bible in my lap.After 15 mintes I opened the Bible and I looked down and I saw it, CHAPTER ELEVEN!!"
 
Re: Muppets:

Do you know why Miss Piggy uses Vinegar and Honey?

Kermit likes "Sweet & Sour" Pork...

Well, it was supposed to be told slightly different, but I wanted to try and keep it at least somewhat clean...
 
I used to remember a calculator joke where you typed 58008 and upside down read "BOOBS" Then you tell this joke about Dolly Parton and add and subtract or multiply some numbers and the punchline is the number comes out 55378008 which reads BOOBLESS.

But damn it was so long ago I forgot the joke.
 
Irishman

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said

to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another
woman."

The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"

The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed
together, but then I stopped."

The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as
putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For

your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the
poor box."

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers,
and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a
moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him
saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the
poor box!"

The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on
the box, and according to you, that's the same as
putting it in."
 
Dying

An Irishman says to his son, "I've just been to doctor and he says, I've but 2 weeks to live."
The father and son cry and hug and head to the pub.

The evening wears on and the Irishman stands and announces to the bar, "I've got AIDS and but two weeks to live."

The son pulls his father aside and says, "Father are ye so drunk ye forget ye have cancer?"

"No son, but I don't want me friends tryin to sleep with yer mother when I'm gone!" replies the Father.
 
Re: Polish Divorce:

POLISH DIVORCE:

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a Divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds? Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? Its made of concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?

No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean. What are your relations like?

All my relations still in Poland.

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?
No, I'm always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?
I got proof.

What kind of proof?

She going to poison me.

She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.

I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover".
 
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