Jewish Christmas by Joan Rivers
"It sucks being a Jew during Christmas.
All we get is a lousy Menorah that some Puerto Rican lights the wrong way at Temple. Right to left going in, left to right being lit, Jose.
This year, I am going for broke on Christmas, Jew or not.
I'll have the tree, the decorations, even the manger scene.
My manger scene will be a little different: I'm Jewish, so the baby will have a Nanny figure.
Mary will be dressed in Chanel.
"Look good,Mary.
"Take off the schmata and pull your self together, you're the mother of G-d for Chrissake."