Toggle--I read your first post and had to wonder if you had been peeking in our windows! I spent a lot of the summer out of town (nothing fun--father had major surgery, was in hospital for a month, a nursing home for two). I would come back from an emotional week and find NOTHING done around the house. I was somewhat understanding at first--it was a depressing time for him because I wasn't around. But finally I'd had it and I told him that in case he hadn't noticed, I'd had a rough summer too and he could start meeting me halfway as far as work went around the house. Since we bicker recreationally a lot but seldom really raise our voices, he took that to heart and has been a lot better. But really--I would have been grateful for just ONE thing done. How loud would you scream if you came back after a week to find the load of dishes you started when you left still in the machine (minus the ones he'd taken out to use) and all the dishes he used that week piled in the sink. RARR!
As far as most domestic tasks go, I start things and he's expected to (and says he will) finish. This pattern was established early on, and I realize now what a terrible mistake that was. For example, I sort, wash, and dry the laundry--he folds. This is because I didn't like the way he sorted/washed/dried, and he didn't like the way I folded. Unfortunately, his mindset is "anything worth doing is worth doing well"--to a paralyzing extent. He has to take any ordinary, easy task and make it difficult. His method of laundry folding is SO precise and crisp that it can take an entire evening for him to fold a weeks washing for two people. Since he doesn't want to do that, and can't bring himself to fold like a normal person, the clean laundry instead sits unfolded in baskets around the bedroom, and every morning I pick out a rumpled outfit and throw it in the dryer for 12 minutes while I shower. (We went to a friend's new house that really had a setup that would be ideal for us--a very large walk-in closet with the master bedroom on one side and a large laundry room on the other. We could leave the baskets of clean wash in the closet and the dryer would be right there to tumble-press my clothes for the day).
Then there's unloading the dishwasher. The time he decides to empty it is usually when I'm in the middle of cooking. I'm sure I don't need to describe how frustrating that is. And every time I say, "Why do you wait until you know you'll be in my way to do that?" I usually get a patronizing response like, "Sounds like someone hasn't had his coffee yet today," or "Did you miss lunch today?" RARR.
MEN!
T.
