TMI, hon. *LOL*
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exploder321
Well-known member
- Joined
- Nov 27, 2006
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Well..
Then again in 12th grade i yelled out loud to a bunch of people in the cafateria "I am here and I am queer, now go away"
Then again in 12th grade i yelled out loud to a bunch of people in the cafateria "I am here and I am queer, now go away"
richm
New member
Congratulations Erik
I came out earlier this year and looking forward to meeting you Saturday...we have much to talk about.
RichM
I came out earlier this year and looking forward to meeting you Saturday...we have much to talk about.
RichM
Manscape, eww, that's a "four-letter" word!!
I'm too darn near-sighted, I can't see anyone's eyes, unless I"m nose-to-nose, which by then ...
I'm too darn near-sighted, I can't see anyone's eyes, unless I"m nose-to-nose, which by then ...
And now for something different
This one is going to upset the PC crowd greatly; their problem.
Best they just skip it.
Erik you will probably, no almost certainly, at one point or other become interested in a man who is "Bi-sexual".
Now, that is a very small name for a very wide range of human behavior.
In and of itself, this is nothing more than a description for people who are capable of sex with both men and women.
This is just as valid a "sexuality" as is hetero- or homosexuality.
Unfortunately, there are a lot (an awful lot) of men running around out there who play the following game:
They are married to a woman, their "family" life revolves around their hetero-pairing.
At the same time, they enter into relationships with gay men. These gay partners, eager to be PC and tolerant accept this, thinking, ok - he is just capable of loving more than one person at a time.
Now there are such constellations, and they are full of love and joy for all partners.
But most end differently. The gay "partner" to this trio is left out of the holidays (I can hardly invite you home for Christmas...it would confuse the children, we don't want that, do we...we will have our own Christmas together, just us...) His birthday...nope, after all - she has a right to him, too.
Time goes on and, sooner or later, you realize, the guy has the best of all worlds...the socially acceptable wife and family...and the male sex partner.
And that is all you are.
When push comes to shove - you are replaceable and will soon be replaced...probably about the time you hit an emotional crisis because you have figured out that his "love" for you has "limits."
Ok, now everyone can scream at me and say what a nasty, bitter, ill-informed, idealistic, romantic and naive person I am...but hey - just say it under your breath and save the flames, ok?
Somebody has to tell Erik about these predators who mis-use the term "bi-" to prey on gay men.
This one is going to upset the PC crowd greatly; their problem.
Best they just skip it.
Erik you will probably, no almost certainly, at one point or other become interested in a man who is "Bi-sexual".
Now, that is a very small name for a very wide range of human behavior.
In and of itself, this is nothing more than a description for people who are capable of sex with both men and women.
This is just as valid a "sexuality" as is hetero- or homosexuality.
Unfortunately, there are a lot (an awful lot) of men running around out there who play the following game:
They are married to a woman, their "family" life revolves around their hetero-pairing.
At the same time, they enter into relationships with gay men. These gay partners, eager to be PC and tolerant accept this, thinking, ok - he is just capable of loving more than one person at a time.
Now there are such constellations, and they are full of love and joy for all partners.
But most end differently. The gay "partner" to this trio is left out of the holidays (I can hardly invite you home for Christmas...it would confuse the children, we don't want that, do we...we will have our own Christmas together, just us...) His birthday...nope, after all - she has a right to him, too.
Time goes on and, sooner or later, you realize, the guy has the best of all worlds...the socially acceptable wife and family...and the male sex partner.
And that is all you are.
When push comes to shove - you are replaceable and will soon be replaced...probably about the time you hit an emotional crisis because you have figured out that his "love" for you has "limits."
Ok, now everyone can scream at me and say what a nasty, bitter, ill-informed, idealistic, romantic and naive person I am...but hey - just say it under your breath and save the flames, ok?
Somebody has to tell Erik about these predators who mis-use the term "bi-" to prey on gay men.
oxydolfan1
Well-known member
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2006
- Messages
- 1,764
I'm not offended.
I did it, for a brief period, during the worst of the epidemic, when I didn't want to be alone....
I can't imagine someone covertly, bringing that off, in this day and age, with cellphones and the way couples have of being totally into each other's business, folks working from home, etc., but it would be naive to say it doesn't happen when it obviously must...
The wrinkle to that is, if Mr. Man doesn't have a beef (no pun intended) with such a setup, and the lady's tolerant of it (for whatever reason), who's to say THEY couldn't somehow make it all work?
That said, I'm strictly one lover at a time....I just don't want to be a hypocrite and moralize when I theoretically did it myself...
I did it, for a brief period, during the worst of the epidemic, when I didn't want to be alone....
I can't imagine someone covertly, bringing that off, in this day and age, with cellphones and the way couples have of being totally into each other's business, folks working from home, etc., but it would be naive to say it doesn't happen when it obviously must...
The wrinkle to that is, if Mr. Man doesn't have a beef (no pun intended) with such a setup, and the lady's tolerant of it (for whatever reason), who's to say THEY couldn't somehow make it all work?
That said, I'm strictly one lover at a time....I just don't want to be a hypocrite and moralize when I theoretically did it myself...
it can work,
I confess, I want one man - he knows who he is - and only him for all of our lives.
Not old-fashioned - I came out pre-epidemic and loved every minute of it - just, by nature, monogamous and the married to one man kind.
I have met many bi-s who were in stable, happy relationships. Every single one was monogamous. I have also met "bi-s" who were married to someone of the opposite sex (sorry for the confusion, we have marriage for gays and lesbians in Western Europe) and had their boys on the side.
None of those relationships have ever been good for the boy-toy. The times I have met their poor wives, every single one was miserable.
The only one who was happy was the "bi-guy".
I wrote several posts above, it is ok to be in an exclusive relationship. It is ok to trick out with every Tom, Dick and Harry. It is not ok to use and cheat and lie to people - and that has been my experience with lots of guys who say they are "bi-".
A genuinely bi-sexual friend of mine counsels recovering suicides. She has come to the conclusion that these men are not truly "bi-" but gay and hate themselves because of it.
Anyway - I thank you a billion for not slamming me. The PC quotient of some folks is so high, they forget that sometimes a cigar really is just...a cigar.
I confess, I want one man - he knows who he is - and only him for all of our lives.
Not old-fashioned - I came out pre-epidemic and loved every minute of it - just, by nature, monogamous and the married to one man kind.
I have met many bi-s who were in stable, happy relationships. Every single one was monogamous. I have also met "bi-s" who were married to someone of the opposite sex (sorry for the confusion, we have marriage for gays and lesbians in Western Europe) and had their boys on the side.
None of those relationships have ever been good for the boy-toy. The times I have met their poor wives, every single one was miserable.
The only one who was happy was the "bi-guy".
I wrote several posts above, it is ok to be in an exclusive relationship. It is ok to trick out with every Tom, Dick and Harry. It is not ok to use and cheat and lie to people - and that has been my experience with lots of guys who say they are "bi-".
A genuinely bi-sexual friend of mine counsels recovering suicides. She has come to the conclusion that these men are not truly "bi-" but gay and hate themselves because of it.
Anyway - I thank you a billion for not slamming me. The PC quotient of some folks is so high, they forget that sometimes a cigar really is just...a cigar.
Is your name April, May,June, Mary or Alice?
Somebody has to tell Erik about these predators who mis-use the term "bi-" to prey on gay men.
Or the ones who advertise as bi to avoid the label of "nelly helium-heels big-Mary queen".
You know the ones. See tarzan hear Jane.
or "He opens his mouth and a purse falls out."
Somebody has to tell Erik about these predators who mis-use the term "bi-" to prey on gay men.
Or the ones who advertise as bi to avoid the label of "nelly helium-heels big-Mary queen".
You know the ones. See tarzan hear Jane.
or "He opens his mouth and a purse falls out."
Why, Steven
I did not know you cared. And I got it on sale, just imagine! I think it brings out the green in my eyes and it does flatter the figure...
;-)))
Lots of guys go the "questioning" or "bi-" route. It sickens me. You are who you are. If you give in to the christianists, you are just confirming their perverted, hate-filled views.
I know it is hard to stand up for who you are when your life is being threatened.- When I am in the US I don't hold hands with my boy friend on the street...
But there is otherwise nothing to be gained by silence. Only when we stand up and make very clear: leave us alone or else will they stop bullying us.
Schizophrenia hits a new depth (high?, I'm of two minds which word is better): The VPs daughter is having a baby.
Is that an example of the general case versus the specific or what?
I did not know you cared. And I got it on sale, just imagine! I think it brings out the green in my eyes and it does flatter the figure...
;-)))
Lots of guys go the "questioning" or "bi-" route. It sickens me. You are who you are. If you give in to the christianists, you are just confirming their perverted, hate-filled views.
I know it is hard to stand up for who you are when your life is being threatened.- When I am in the US I don't hold hands with my boy friend on the street...
But there is otherwise nothing to be gained by silence. Only when we stand up and make very clear: leave us alone or else will they stop bullying us.
Schizophrenia hits a new depth (high?, I'm of two minds which word is better): The VPs daughter is having a baby.
Is that an example of the general case versus the specific or what?
irishwashguy
Well-known member
It is an amzing journey
I came out as a student and BYU. I had always had feelings for men,a big love for Wonder woman and Green Lantern I even had a revolving door on my closet, but always went back in. It occured to me one day that I had to be who I was. Having a computer really helped that. You are in a way re-born. It is an entire new awareness. As far as church is concerned,I left the Mormon church, and now attend a very liberal,left leaning,progressive believing faith, that does not care what my sexual preference is. They exsist.Coming out is a beautiful thing. I came all the way out when I was 27, and now I am 35, I would never want to go back. Congradulations!!
I came out as a student and BYU. I had always had feelings for men,a big love for Wonder woman and Green Lantern I even had a revolving door on my closet, but always went back in. It occured to me one day that I had to be who I was. Having a computer really helped that. You are in a way re-born. It is an entire new awareness. As far as church is concerned,I left the Mormon church, and now attend a very liberal,left leaning,progressive believing faith, that does not care what my sexual preference is. They exsist.Coming out is a beautiful thing. I came all the way out when I was 27, and now I am 35, I would never want to go back. Congradulations!!
Well, I'm hoping I can keep this short, but doubt I'll succeed.
First off, I don't think there's a man on the planet who is 100% straight. Those who insist they are entirely straight have simply conditioned themselves to suppress their tendencies to notice or be attracted to other men. There's a film I've come across on cable, probably the IFC channel, titled "The Opposite of Sex" and the teenage girl who stars and does to voice-overs has some absolutely on-target things to say about the gay life and men who are in denial about it, especially towards the end of the film. It's worth watching just for the validation she provides for the opinions of the majority of homosexual males. I hesitate to use the term "gay" because that denotes a lifestyle that I don't embrace. I don't go to bars (anymore), I don't cross-dress, I don't like to dance all night to thumping disco, I'm completely turned off by feminine behavior, I'm just a regular homebody guy who blends in and my partner is the same. I don't need to wear my lifestyle on my sleeve.
I've been attracted to men ever since I can remember, and usually they were much older than I was, and most were bear types or at least beefy with chest hair. I had a gym teacher in junior high who would remove his shirt when we had swimming lessons. He was maybe 30 and not only built, but had a pelt of chest hair that overflowed above his tee shirt. I'd relieve myself over thoughts of him. I'm swooning over him again now as I type, over 35 years later!
As I hit my 20's, I thought my interest in men would fade and I'd become "normal" and start being attracted to women. I abstained from sex completely for over a year and even found myself disgusted by openly gay men. This was around the time gays were just getting media attention, when that famous "I Am a Homosexual" cover of Time Magazine had the photo of Sgt. Leonard Matlovich around 1976 and exposed and explained the gay scene to the masses. Then at 24 I was alone for a weekend getaway with a neighbor guy I found attractive. We were out by the pool and in the course of conversation he mentioned he liked to hang out naked and relax and we agreed we'd do that when we got home. To make a long story short, he nearly raped me but I didn't try to stop him. And he jump-started me back into reality and I realized I was absolutely into men and that this was the path I would take. He tried to get me to go to a gay bar that weekend and I refused--he was moving too fast for me. But about 6 months later another friend suggested it and I was up for it, and who was seated at the end of the bar but this neighbor guy, so I went right up to him and he welcomed me. I had a great time, and the rest as they say, is history.
It took another 5 years before I found a guy I thought I could have a relationship with. He jilted me right away and I was devastated. A year later I found the man I've been with for 21 years now. We own our home in suburbia, I think we set a great example for our neighbors on how "normal" guys like us can be, and we have also been together longer than any of his siblings or mine who have all been through at least one divorce.
Speaking of suburbia, it's not a case of the interested men not being in proximity, they're just all in the closet, married, or both. We live on a neighborhood "collector" street that's semi-busy so we see a lot of the local men driving by. They see us out front and we catch them looking, some will give a discreet nod, some will smile and wave, and even if we're not in the yard we can see out our window that many still cast a glance our way. But since it's not Castro Street they can't just stop and chat and think nothing of it. Some have been brave enough to come to our door and ask about the old pick-up we have parked alongside our driveway. It's a '50 GMC and it's a man magnet for sure. It's strange, though, because for some guys who pass by and the gaydar kicks in, they won't even acknowledge us. It's like the ones who are "out" go back into the closet in suburbia, too fearful to be open with similarly inclined men in such a straight environment, and that's too bad. Right across the street we have a cute family man who goes out of his way to come over and chat when he sees us outside. We're both convinced he's interested as he's not so neighborly with anyone else. But it's a huge logistical stretch to think anything will ever happen with him. Such is the situation in suburbia. The men are so close, yet so far away, even the already gay ones, and for the most part, not single.
Glad to see that there are other nudists contributing here. My partner and I are rarely in clothes at home, we have privatized our back yard and have complete freedom indoors and out. It's not a sexual thing at all, but it can be if that's what you want it to be. I don't even give it another thought when I throw off my clothes when I get home. It's all about comfort. We hate that it's winter now and the house is so cold we have to bundle up.
Finally (let's see if that lead-in holds) I'd like to address the whole monogamy thing. My partner and I were together maybe 3 years when we had our first 3-way. It was spontaneous, we were on vacation, and it went really well. We've been playing around with other men or in groups ever since, and I am convinced this extra-curricular activity has helped our relationship rather than damaged it. Men are men, we are dogs, it's our nature to be out there planting our seeds, as it were, and absolutely normal to be interacting on an intimate level with more than just one man. All it takes is a little common sense safety to make this a fun recreational activity. I really enjoy a good masculine physical experience with new meat and as I have stated to my life partner as well as a number of play partners, we're not getting any younger. I figure if I can still attract a man who I find attractive, I need to strike while the iron is hot. And while I don't have a huge ego, it sure gets boosted when I'm told time and again by men I'm with that they really like what I do, and that I've even got a group of devotees that seek me out in a crowd. I think comfort level has everything to do with a successful encounter.
OK, a couple more "final" items:
Re: the bible belt coming off fast, that is so true. I used to work with this kid who was so obviously gay. He did what so many do, turned to Jesus and became a youth counselor and his denial really angered me. He was very nice looking and buffed out, even though I don't usually go for smooth guys under 30 this kid caught my eye, and he was wasting the prime of his life. He could nail some hunks if he only would stop the denial. He quit the company long ago and I can only hope that he finally caved in, accepted himself and started to enjoy life.
Re: Sex and the City, I read somewhere when that show was still in production that the scripts were nearly interchangeable to apply to four gay men instead of four straight women, so yes, there's a reason why guys like us tended to watch and enjoy it.
WT, congratulations on coming out. You've got a ton of support here. And I'll see about adding info to my profile!
Ralph
First off, I don't think there's a man on the planet who is 100% straight. Those who insist they are entirely straight have simply conditioned themselves to suppress their tendencies to notice or be attracted to other men. There's a film I've come across on cable, probably the IFC channel, titled "The Opposite of Sex" and the teenage girl who stars and does to voice-overs has some absolutely on-target things to say about the gay life and men who are in denial about it, especially towards the end of the film. It's worth watching just for the validation she provides for the opinions of the majority of homosexual males. I hesitate to use the term "gay" because that denotes a lifestyle that I don't embrace. I don't go to bars (anymore), I don't cross-dress, I don't like to dance all night to thumping disco, I'm completely turned off by feminine behavior, I'm just a regular homebody guy who blends in and my partner is the same. I don't need to wear my lifestyle on my sleeve.
I've been attracted to men ever since I can remember, and usually they were much older than I was, and most were bear types or at least beefy with chest hair. I had a gym teacher in junior high who would remove his shirt when we had swimming lessons. He was maybe 30 and not only built, but had a pelt of chest hair that overflowed above his tee shirt. I'd relieve myself over thoughts of him. I'm swooning over him again now as I type, over 35 years later!
As I hit my 20's, I thought my interest in men would fade and I'd become "normal" and start being attracted to women. I abstained from sex completely for over a year and even found myself disgusted by openly gay men. This was around the time gays were just getting media attention, when that famous "I Am a Homosexual" cover of Time Magazine had the photo of Sgt. Leonard Matlovich around 1976 and exposed and explained the gay scene to the masses. Then at 24 I was alone for a weekend getaway with a neighbor guy I found attractive. We were out by the pool and in the course of conversation he mentioned he liked to hang out naked and relax and we agreed we'd do that when we got home. To make a long story short, he nearly raped me but I didn't try to stop him. And he jump-started me back into reality and I realized I was absolutely into men and that this was the path I would take. He tried to get me to go to a gay bar that weekend and I refused--he was moving too fast for me. But about 6 months later another friend suggested it and I was up for it, and who was seated at the end of the bar but this neighbor guy, so I went right up to him and he welcomed me. I had a great time, and the rest as they say, is history.
It took another 5 years before I found a guy I thought I could have a relationship with. He jilted me right away and I was devastated. A year later I found the man I've been with for 21 years now. We own our home in suburbia, I think we set a great example for our neighbors on how "normal" guys like us can be, and we have also been together longer than any of his siblings or mine who have all been through at least one divorce.
Speaking of suburbia, it's not a case of the interested men not being in proximity, they're just all in the closet, married, or both. We live on a neighborhood "collector" street that's semi-busy so we see a lot of the local men driving by. They see us out front and we catch them looking, some will give a discreet nod, some will smile and wave, and even if we're not in the yard we can see out our window that many still cast a glance our way. But since it's not Castro Street they can't just stop and chat and think nothing of it. Some have been brave enough to come to our door and ask about the old pick-up we have parked alongside our driveway. It's a '50 GMC and it's a man magnet for sure. It's strange, though, because for some guys who pass by and the gaydar kicks in, they won't even acknowledge us. It's like the ones who are "out" go back into the closet in suburbia, too fearful to be open with similarly inclined men in such a straight environment, and that's too bad. Right across the street we have a cute family man who goes out of his way to come over and chat when he sees us outside. We're both convinced he's interested as he's not so neighborly with anyone else. But it's a huge logistical stretch to think anything will ever happen with him. Such is the situation in suburbia. The men are so close, yet so far away, even the already gay ones, and for the most part, not single.
Glad to see that there are other nudists contributing here. My partner and I are rarely in clothes at home, we have privatized our back yard and have complete freedom indoors and out. It's not a sexual thing at all, but it can be if that's what you want it to be. I don't even give it another thought when I throw off my clothes when I get home. It's all about comfort. We hate that it's winter now and the house is so cold we have to bundle up.
Finally (let's see if that lead-in holds) I'd like to address the whole monogamy thing. My partner and I were together maybe 3 years when we had our first 3-way. It was spontaneous, we were on vacation, and it went really well. We've been playing around with other men or in groups ever since, and I am convinced this extra-curricular activity has helped our relationship rather than damaged it. Men are men, we are dogs, it's our nature to be out there planting our seeds, as it were, and absolutely normal to be interacting on an intimate level with more than just one man. All it takes is a little common sense safety to make this a fun recreational activity. I really enjoy a good masculine physical experience with new meat and as I have stated to my life partner as well as a number of play partners, we're not getting any younger. I figure if I can still attract a man who I find attractive, I need to strike while the iron is hot. And while I don't have a huge ego, it sure gets boosted when I'm told time and again by men I'm with that they really like what I do, and that I've even got a group of devotees that seek me out in a crowd. I think comfort level has everything to do with a successful encounter.
OK, a couple more "final" items:
Re: the bible belt coming off fast, that is so true. I used to work with this kid who was so obviously gay. He did what so many do, turned to Jesus and became a youth counselor and his denial really angered me. He was very nice looking and buffed out, even though I don't usually go for smooth guys under 30 this kid caught my eye, and he was wasting the prime of his life. He could nail some hunks if he only would stop the denial. He quit the company long ago and I can only hope that he finally caved in, accepted himself and started to enjoy life.
Re: Sex and the City, I read somewhere when that show was still in production that the scripts were nearly interchangeable to apply to four gay men instead of four straight women, so yes, there's a reason why guys like us tended to watch and enjoy it.
WT, congratulations on coming out. You've got a ton of support here. And I'll see about adding info to my profile!
Ralph
Goodness, Ralph,
Congratulations on you and your partner's happy lives together.
I would like to comment on the monogamy thing.
I came to the conclusion a very long time ago that there are some constellations in which it works to have outside partners. There are others where it doesn't work.
The only time it is a problem is when one partner wants one thing and the other partner wants the other thing.
I don't believe that men "have" to have sex with a stream of new partners. Some men enjoy this, some don't. We aren't wolves and we aren't bonobos (or whatever those super-promiscuous apes are called).
I have lived in both types of relationship; at the age of 48 I have come to the conclusion that I am personally happiest in a monogamous relationship.
I wonder sometimes at the vehemence with which many folks will try to convince me that my perspective on what makes me happy is wrong...remember, I have gone both ways in very long term relationships.
Anyway, Ralph said it best: Congratulations again on coming out, Erik!
Congratulations on you and your partner's happy lives together.
I would like to comment on the monogamy thing.
I came to the conclusion a very long time ago that there are some constellations in which it works to have outside partners. There are others where it doesn't work.
The only time it is a problem is when one partner wants one thing and the other partner wants the other thing.
I don't believe that men "have" to have sex with a stream of new partners. Some men enjoy this, some don't. We aren't wolves and we aren't bonobos (or whatever those super-promiscuous apes are called).
I have lived in both types of relationship; at the age of 48 I have come to the conclusion that I am personally happiest in a monogamous relationship.
I wonder sometimes at the vehemence with which many folks will try to convince me that my perspective on what makes me happy is wrong...remember, I have gone both ways in very long term relationships.
Anyway, Ralph said it best: Congratulations again on coming out, Erik!
It's wahever works for YOU!
I have gone both ways
Mazel Ttov.
I have gone both ways
Mazel Ttov.
Monogamy
Panthera, I agree with you. I think among our social group of male couples, my partner and I are the only ones who enjoy action outside of our relationship. Generally we do this together, but since my partner took early retirement and has lots of spare time, he will sometimes get together on his own with a friend or two or three. Sometimes if he's entertaining at our house, they'll wait for me to get home from work so I can join in the fun. It's open and above board and when we go to a group thing, if we get separated we meet up later and compare notes.
We used to know this one couple where the one guy got upset if he saw his partner so much as look at another man. My parnter and I were stunned, as we are always on the lookout for eye candy and reporting in at the end of the day about any sightings we may have had, or when we are out together we're both zeroing in on the same men out there, it's almost a contest to see who spies one first! Such is life when you really love men I guess.
I'm not promoting an open relationship as the only workable one between two men. There are probably more monogamous relationships between men out there than there are open ones. But even in straight relationships there are so many men who stray, and often with other men, not women! My partner and I understand that when we go out to enjoy other men, we are not out to find another LTR, we are just out having fun. Trust me, I'm not interested in throwing away 21 years and breaking up my household and neither is my partner.
Like Toggle stated above, whatever works for you. It's all good when it comes to men being with men!
Ralph
Panthera, I agree with you. I think among our social group of male couples, my partner and I are the only ones who enjoy action outside of our relationship. Generally we do this together, but since my partner took early retirement and has lots of spare time, he will sometimes get together on his own with a friend or two or three. Sometimes if he's entertaining at our house, they'll wait for me to get home from work so I can join in the fun. It's open and above board and when we go to a group thing, if we get separated we meet up later and compare notes.
We used to know this one couple where the one guy got upset if he saw his partner so much as look at another man. My parnter and I were stunned, as we are always on the lookout for eye candy and reporting in at the end of the day about any sightings we may have had, or when we are out together we're both zeroing in on the same men out there, it's almost a contest to see who spies one first! Such is life when you really love men I guess.
I'm not promoting an open relationship as the only workable one between two men. There are probably more monogamous relationships between men out there than there are open ones. But even in straight relationships there are so many men who stray, and often with other men, not women! My partner and I understand that when we go out to enjoy other men, we are not out to find another LTR, we are just out having fun. Trust me, I'm not interested in throwing away 21 years and breaking up my household and neither is my partner.
Like Toggle stated above, whatever works for you. It's all good when it comes to men being with men!
Ralph
Ralph and Steve,
I can only agree. It's what works for you. I'm just that little bit older that I got hit full bore with the "wer mit einem zwei Mal pennt, gehört zum Establishment" mentality.
Which still is quite strong in many corners, not just in Europe.
It sometimes goes so far as people saying, "you aren't really gay if you just want the same thing as straights have."
Since this is a thread started by a newly-outed man, I think it is great that we all contribute our perspectives.
Most couples will have to deal with the question of sex outside of the relationship sooner or later. The couples who have decided in advance that honesty won't be punished are the ones who don't end up infecting each other with Aids. It is that simple.
I can only agree. It's what works for you. I'm just that little bit older that I got hit full bore with the "wer mit einem zwei Mal pennt, gehört zum Establishment" mentality.
Which still is quite strong in many corners, not just in Europe.
It sometimes goes so far as people saying, "you aren't really gay if you just want the same thing as straights have."
Since this is a thread started by a newly-outed man, I think it is great that we all contribute our perspectives.
Most couples will have to deal with the question of sex outside of the relationship sooner or later. The couples who have decided in advance that honesty won't be punished are the ones who don't end up infecting each other with Aids. It is that simple.
But which on is the man and which one is the woman?
Yes just make sure that in a partnership that you both are not only on the same page, but the same paragraph. There are countless types of agreements and boundaries, and self-imposed rules.
And if anyone dares ask the above ignorant question, just smile pretty and say "Why do you need to know?" Because they just can't begin to fathom the possibilites and with them it's a total waste of time, anyway.
or if you REALLY want to F--- with them say~ "Depends if I'm face-up or face-down." Shuts 'em right up, if they can get the visual.
Yes just make sure that in a partnership that you both are not only on the same page, but the same paragraph. There are countless types of agreements and boundaries, and self-imposed rules.
And if anyone dares ask the above ignorant question, just smile pretty and say "Why do you need to know?" Because they just can't begin to fathom the possibilites and with them it's a total waste of time, anyway.
or if you REALLY want to F--- with them say~ "Depends if I'm face-up or face-down." Shuts 'em right up, if they can get the visual.
Whatever works for you
I am not gay and have been married for 26 years. I just want to say how wonderful it is that being a gay man is no longer something to be ashamed about. When I was growing up, our mother told us to NEVER think of ourselves as better as anyone else. To me, two men in love is as beautiful as a man and woman in love. Why do so many people make such a big deal of things like this? What has happpened in this country anyway?
Love from Wishwash
I am not gay and have been married for 26 years. I just want to say how wonderful it is that being a gay man is no longer something to be ashamed about. When I was growing up, our mother told us to NEVER think of ourselves as better as anyone else. To me, two men in love is as beautiful as a man and woman in love. Why do so many people make such a big deal of things like this? What has happpened in this country anyway?
Love from Wishwash
The Man or the Woman
Toggle, my partner has a total dolt of a BIL who thinks he's an authority about being gay because he has a gay hairdresser (imagine every stereotype you've ever seen) brother. A couple of years ago we were all on a family vacation and my partner's 20-ish nephew (this BIL's stepson) decided it was time to come out and did so on a dance floor with another guy his age. We all knew this nephew's story since he was around 5 years old. His mom took it the hardest, don't know if that was denial all these years or just blindness, but the BIL took the news in stride because he too knew this kid was gay but not out yet. So in the emotional aftermath trying to comfort this kid's mom, my partner's sister, this BIL starts a side conversation talking relationships with me and pathetically states that in a relationship between two men, one must take the female role. I told him that wasn't the case at all for my partner and I, and not for our male couple friends either. He refused to accept that, acted like he didn't even hear me, and went on to say that he considered me to be the female role. That really got me p.o.'d but I kept my composure, and the most ridiculous part of it is that he has it totally backwards. My partner is the one who wants to decorate, who buys the flowers, who likes going to Macy's and Nordstrom, who works the sewing machine and does almost all of the cooking. My parnter even complains to me that I act too much like a man because I don't care what clothes I put on or I go for a few days without shaving, etc. I've never forgiven that stupid BIL for disregarding my statement that he was wrong about these roles and for making the remark that he did about me, and I know he's hopelessly beyond reasoning with. If he only knew who's mainly the top and who's mainly the bottom! The most satisfying thing is that the entire family thinks this guy is brainless and immature and generally disregards any drivel that comes out of his mouth.
It's hard to believe that people still have these very backward views about same-sex living situations. There's been enough exposure in print and film to demostrate how wrong they are. I guess we still have a long way to go on the road to enlightenment of the masses. Sorry to say the choices of the media over which parts of the various pride parades to show on their news clips doesn't help matters any.
Toggle, my partner has a total dolt of a BIL who thinks he's an authority about being gay because he has a gay hairdresser (imagine every stereotype you've ever seen) brother. A couple of years ago we were all on a family vacation and my partner's 20-ish nephew (this BIL's stepson) decided it was time to come out and did so on a dance floor with another guy his age. We all knew this nephew's story since he was around 5 years old. His mom took it the hardest, don't know if that was denial all these years or just blindness, but the BIL took the news in stride because he too knew this kid was gay but not out yet. So in the emotional aftermath trying to comfort this kid's mom, my partner's sister, this BIL starts a side conversation talking relationships with me and pathetically states that in a relationship between two men, one must take the female role. I told him that wasn't the case at all for my partner and I, and not for our male couple friends either. He refused to accept that, acted like he didn't even hear me, and went on to say that he considered me to be the female role. That really got me p.o.'d but I kept my composure, and the most ridiculous part of it is that he has it totally backwards. My partner is the one who wants to decorate, who buys the flowers, who likes going to Macy's and Nordstrom, who works the sewing machine and does almost all of the cooking. My parnter even complains to me that I act too much like a man because I don't care what clothes I put on or I go for a few days without shaving, etc. I've never forgiven that stupid BIL for disregarding my statement that he was wrong about these roles and for making the remark that he did about me, and I know he's hopelessly beyond reasoning with. If he only knew who's mainly the top and who's mainly the bottom! The most satisfying thing is that the entire family thinks this guy is brainless and immature and generally disregards any drivel that comes out of his mouth.
It's hard to believe that people still have these very backward views about same-sex living situations. There's been enough exposure in print and film to demostrate how wrong they are. I guess we still have a long way to go on the road to enlightenment of the masses. Sorry to say the choices of the media over which parts of the various pride parades to show on their news clips doesn't help matters any.
Too much information! Processing Processing
Mary had a little lamb Jack jumped over the candlestick. The square of the hippopotamus equals four score and twenty years ago. Too much information!!! Processing imcomplete PFFfffffft..
Mary had a little lamb Jack jumped over the candlestick. The square of the hippopotamus equals four score and twenty years ago. Too much information!!! Processing imcomplete PFFfffffft..
nmaineman36
Well-known member
- Joined
- Sep 25, 2004
- Messages
- 933
That roll of "Lifesavers" was kinda neat...cant use em if they are flavored...break out in a rash. Been there done that and thats all I will say.
