Stupid joke

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Baptists : At least 15.
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken .

LOL! I'm a Suddern Babdist myself, and hate to say it, you're about right. Bring dat tater salad over here and dat good ol' fried chicken. Oh don't that laht bubb look purty.
 
Lick their B&ll&

Two guys were walking down the street when they came upon a dog, licking his testicles.

One man looked at the other and said, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

"Better see if you can pet him, first," The other replied.
 
Not ready for this thread to die yet!

THE DONKEY AUCTION

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and
bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00.

The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the
next day.

The next day the farmer drove up and said,
"Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey
died."

Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my
money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and
spent it already."

Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey."

The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"

Kenny, "I'm going to raffle him off."

Farmer, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

Kenny, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't
tell anybody he is dead."

A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and
asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"

Kenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets
at two dollars a piece and made a profit of
$898.00."

Farmer, "Didn't anyone complain?"

Kenny," just the guy who won. So I gave him
his two dollars back."

Kenny grew up and eventually became the
chairman of Enron.
 
Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde.
He immediately turns to her and makes his move.

"You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you
strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says
to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says the guy, smiling. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let
me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the
same stuff -- grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow
turns
out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop.
Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest
idea."

"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to
discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
 
Re: Blonde Woman on the Plane:

A Blonde Woman was sitting in her seat in the Coach part of the Plane and she got curious to know what it was like in the 1st Class section. She went in and sat in a Seat and the Flight Attendant came up to her and told her that she paid for a Coach Seat and she would have to go back to the Coach Section.

She told the Flight Attendant that she was Blonde, she was Beautiful, she was going to Hawaii and she wasn't going to leave the 1st Class Section.

The Flight Attendant went to the Captain and told him what was happening, so the Captain went up to the Blonde and whispered in her Ear. She got up and went back to her Seat in the Coach Section.

The Flight Attendant asked the Captain, what he whispered in the Blonde Woman's Ear, to make her go back to her Seat in the Coach Section?

The Captain told the Flight Attendant, that he told the Blonde Woman, that 1st Class wasn't going to Hawaii...
 
What salad was served on the Titanic?

Iceberg!
What coffee was served on the Titanic?

Sanka!
What Dessert was served on the Poseidon?

Turnovers!
 
We’ve all heard about people having guts or ba**s

But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below….

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”

BA**S - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the ba**s to say: “You’re next.”

I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject.
 
Toggle

Penrith is a suburb of Sydney, Mardi Gras territory. Maybe that's what the sign is warning of???

"The Place To Be" is the slogan on the number plates for Victoria, the state where I live.

If that's what happens in Penrith, it's no wonder so many Victorians are moving up north. And I thought it was the warmer weather...

Chris.
 
I love Australia. Must visit. Former Brit colony how bad can

*LOL*

Too funny.
Luckily I remember that the equator (as in warmth for you) is north for us it's south!

For us, the sunny windows are south and the constant even light is from north. Must be reverse by you.

Ditto seasons. Christmas in summer? Way cool!

Thanks for the info!
 
Stupid jokes

Somewhere I have several of these "Boudreaux & Thibodeaux jokes. ESPECIALLY funny when your hearing someone speak like that and your snockered.
Here's one I got today at work:

Two Cajun commercial fishermen, Boudreaux & Thibodeaux went out in the Gulf
of Mexico fishing. They were gone a couple of months.
On their return, they noticed a Taco Bell had been built while they were
away.
Boudreaux turns to Thibodeaux and says, "Look at dat, we not gone no time
and dem Mexicans done come over here and built a telephone company!"
 
Re: 3-Bodies:

Subject: 3 Bodies:

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.

Coroner tells the Inspector: "First body is a 72 year old Frenchman. He died of heart failure while with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile."

"The second body is an Irishman, 25 years of age. He won a thousand dollars on the lottery and spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Ole Swenson, Norwegian from Minnesota, 30, struck by lightning."

"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.

"Thought he was having his picture taken...
 
Not really a joke

When I was a little kid, my grandparents owned a small motel. I used to get stuck in the basement with my aunt Katie who would be washing sheets in the wringer washer. She was a short, heavy set Italian woman with a crazy sense of humor. One of her favorite rhymes was:

Q.
What goes in dry...comes out wet...tickles your belly and makes you sweat?

A.
A washboard
 
Brains and Wrigley's

"If your brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough power to blow your nose."

"If they laid your brain on a razor's edge, it would look like a BB rolling down a four lane highway!"

What goes in hard and comes out soft?
Wrigley's gum!
 
There's a place in France where the naked ladies dance
There's a hole in the wall where the men see it all.

(to the tune of Bridge On the River Kwai)
Comet, it makes your breath stay clean
Comet, it tastes like gasoline
Comet, it makes you vomit
So buy some Comet, and vomit, today.

Where did the ship go when it was sick?

To the dock (doc)

(I heard that one on tv last night)
 
A little kid was asking his mom, "Mommy, why does it rain?"

The mom says, "That's because God's crying"

The kid says, "Why is he crying"

Mom: "Probably because of something you did."
 

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