it does sound so ridiculous, but it is a HUGE truth.
Some poeple LOVE their misery..
Some poeple LOVE their misery..
What is your spouse's most annoying habit?
- Thread starter toggleswitch
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Designgeek
Well-known member
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2004
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Hmm, and here I was thinking it would be so nice to meet Mr. Wonderful and live happily ever after, and even get married if the damn Jim Crow laws are ever overturned...! One can still dream, can't one?
As for "everyone is exactly where they want to be or they would change it," that's too facile. Tell it to the person who's chronically depressed, or who's stuck in poverty, or who's floating in the sewage-flood in Louisiana. If everyone knew everything they needed to know plus had the means to apply it, sure, no one would be miserable except perhaps those with neurochemical imbalances.
What I really don't get is, how someone can cheat, or take for granted their partner, or otherwise fail to be utterly in awe of the fact that they have someone who loves them unconditionally and will stand by them as an ally forever. Humans are weird.
As for "everyone is exactly where they want to be or they would change it," that's too facile. Tell it to the person who's chronically depressed, or who's stuck in poverty, or who's floating in the sewage-flood in Louisiana. If everyone knew everything they needed to know plus had the means to apply it, sure, no one would be miserable except perhaps those with neurochemical imbalances.
What I really don't get is, how someone can cheat, or take for granted their partner, or otherwise fail to be utterly in awe of the fact that they have someone who loves them unconditionally and will stand by them as an ally forever. Humans are weird.
EGO--
the supression of which is the focus of a few major world religions.
Again, IMHO Happiness really is only ONE thought away, it is a matter of perspective and pre-conceived expectations.
This statement I'd say is an EXPECTATION (culturally learned at that) which may or may not exist in life, but JUST MY LIMITED OPINION
Quote: "They have someone who loves them unconditionally and will stand by them as an ally forever." People tend to love you forever as long as they get what they want from you, I'd say.
The MINUTE their emotional needs are not met, watch out Charlie!
Bitter in Aisle one.. LOL
Forgive me.... I need my coffee.
the supression of which is the focus of a few major world religions.
Again, IMHO Happiness really is only ONE thought away, it is a matter of perspective and pre-conceived expectations.
This statement I'd say is an EXPECTATION (culturally learned at that) which may or may not exist in life, but JUST MY LIMITED OPINION
Quote: "They have someone who loves them unconditionally and will stand by them as an ally forever." People tend to love you forever as long as they get what they want from you, I'd say.
The MINUTE their emotional needs are not met, watch out Charlie!
Bitter in Aisle one.. LOL
Forgive me.... I need my coffee.
Quote: They have someone who loves them unconditionally and will stand by them as an ally forever.
Might this be a Utopina Cinderella expectation that is culturally learned and drilled into us?
No disrespect, but my view of reality differs. As soon as someone beleves you are no longer meeting their emotional need, it's bye-bye Charlie.
But this is just my one limited opinion....
Might this be a Utopina Cinderella expectation that is culturally learned and drilled into us?
No disrespect, but my view of reality differs. As soon as someone beleves you are no longer meeting their emotional need, it's bye-bye Charlie.
But this is just my one limited opinion....
*SIGH* and a double post repeating myself.
Sorry
COFFEE--I NEED COFFEE-- and carbohydrates...
Sorry
COFFEE--I NEED COFFEE-- and carbohydrates...
veg-o-matic
Well-known member
Ya know....
There are those of us who would give anything to have a partner to fight with. Everyone has annoying habits (even me, I'm told. Often.) but if you love each other you overlook 'em. Sometimes you end up screaming about them, but without a little drama, a relationship can get pretty boring, no?
When you start objectifying said partner ("the spousal unit" instead of "my husband/wife"), that's a pretty good sign that you're not doing anybody any favors by staying in the relationship. Or when you won't let yourself see his/her good qualities any more.
So take a good, hard look, folks. Despite the annoying habits, the arguing, all the downside, can you imagine life without your partner? If not, go give him/her a big smooch and be thankful.
Don't want to be preachy or force my opinions down anyone's throat. Just needed to vent, I guess.
veg
There are those of us who would give anything to have a partner to fight with. Everyone has annoying habits (even me, I'm told. Often.) but if you love each other you overlook 'em. Sometimes you end up screaming about them, but without a little drama, a relationship can get pretty boring, no?
When you start objectifying said partner ("the spousal unit" instead of "my husband/wife"), that's a pretty good sign that you're not doing anybody any favors by staying in the relationship. Or when you won't let yourself see his/her good qualities any more.
So take a good, hard look, folks. Despite the annoying habits, the arguing, all the downside, can you imagine life without your partner? If not, go give him/her a big smooch and be thankful.
Don't want to be preachy or force my opinions down anyone's throat. Just needed to vent, I guess.
veg
jasonl
New member
What spouse?
I don't have one so I can have all the bad habits I want to and not get yelled at
Let's see
Leave the lid up... no problem
Wear mismatched clothes... no problem
Watch tv at all hours... no problem
Fart in bed... no problem
I don't have one so I can have all the bad habits I want to and not get yelled at
Let's see
Leave the lid up... no problem
Wear mismatched clothes... no problem
Watch tv at all hours... no problem
Fart in bed... no problem
rinso
Well-known member
My partner and I just celebrated our 30th together. This means that annoying habits have been assimilated into the relationship. Being of Italian descent, I have many more annoying habits than he does. But, here are his stand-outs:
1. Constantly reorganizing drawers and storage so when I go to reach for the spatula, now that drawer cotains the hot pads and oven mitts. Need a spice? Really they were above the range just yesterday.
2. I know dishwasher rack designs were meant for random loading, but I don't think this is what they meant. Remember, you can get more in if you load everything like lined-up good little soldiers.
3. There is this thing in the dryer called a lint filter. It likes frequent cleaning. You can't miss it, it has a bunch of arrows pointing to it.
4. Not everything rates being washed in hot water and dried at the highest temp possible. It is not necessary to disinfect knit fabrics with hot water. Our winter longjohns do not need to be turned into boxer-briefs. The lower temps will work just fine.
These are just a few, but you get the idea. Our appliances shudder when they see him coming toward them.
1. Constantly reorganizing drawers and storage so when I go to reach for the spatula, now that drawer cotains the hot pads and oven mitts. Need a spice? Really they were above the range just yesterday.
2. I know dishwasher rack designs were meant for random loading, but I don't think this is what they meant. Remember, you can get more in if you load everything like lined-up good little soldiers.
3. There is this thing in the dryer called a lint filter. It likes frequent cleaning. You can't miss it, it has a bunch of arrows pointing to it.
4. Not everything rates being washed in hot water and dried at the highest temp possible. It is not necessary to disinfect knit fabrics with hot water. Our winter longjohns do not need to be turned into boxer-briefs. The lower temps will work just fine.
These are just a few, but you get the idea. Our appliances shudder when they see him coming toward them.
OUCH veg...
Some of us say "spousal unit" to be gender neutral.......
and technically, on my side of the fence,..I'm living in sin.
Without getting married I will never have a wife/ husband.....
Some of us say "spousal unit" to be gender neutral.......
and technically, on my side of the fence,..I'm living in sin.
Without getting married I will never have a wife/ husband.....
Quote: There are those of us who would give anything to have a partner to fight with.
IMHO, Don't romanticize ANYTHING till you have been there. Tons of work, grief, resistance and aggravation.
A friend said the same thing and poo-pooed me when I responded as above. Well, he got hitched up and shacked up. NOW what do we hear. "OMG, I so miss my freedom".
Also, in our circle every force in the society is pulling us apart, and not pushing us together and encouraging us, as in other segments of society. It is TOUGH to be a couple.
IMHO, Don't romanticize ANYTHING till you have been there. Tons of work, grief, resistance and aggravation.
A friend said the same thing and poo-pooed me when I responded as above. Well, he got hitched up and shacked up. NOW what do we hear. "OMG, I so miss my freedom".
Also, in our circle every force in the society is pulling us apart, and not pushing us together and encouraging us, as in other segments of society. It is TOUGH to be a couple.
deeptub
Member
Toggle--I read your first post and had to wonder if you had been peeking in our windows! I spent a lot of the summer out of town (nothing fun--father had major surgery, was in hospital for a month, a nursing home for two). I would come back from an emotional week and find NOTHING done around the house. I was somewhat understanding at first--it was a depressing time for him because I wasn't around. But finally I'd had it and I told him that in case he hadn't noticed, I'd had a rough summer too and he could start meeting me halfway as far as work went around the house. Since we bicker recreationally a lot but seldom really raise our voices, he took that to heart and has been a lot better. But really--I would have been grateful for just ONE thing done. How loud would you scream if you came back after a week to find the load of dishes you started when you left still in the machine (minus the ones he'd taken out to use) and all the dishes he used that week piled in the sink. RARR!
As far as most domestic tasks go, I start things and he's expected to (and says he will) finish. This pattern was established early on, and I realize now what a terrible mistake that was. For example, I sort, wash, and dry the laundry--he folds. This is because I didn't like the way he sorted/washed/dried, and he didn't like the way I folded. Unfortunately, his mindset is "anything worth doing is worth doing well"--to a paralyzing extent. He has to take any ordinary, easy task and make it difficult. His method of laundry folding is SO precise and crisp that it can take an entire evening for him to fold a weeks washing for two people. Since he doesn't want to do that, and can't bring himself to fold like a normal person, the clean laundry instead sits unfolded in baskets around the bedroom, and every morning I pick out a rumpled outfit and throw it in the dryer for 12 minutes while I shower. (We went to a friend's new house that really had a setup that would be ideal for us--a very large walk-in closet with the master bedroom on one side and a large laundry room on the other. We could leave the baskets of clean wash in the closet and the dryer would be right there to tumble-press my clothes for the day).
Then there's unloading the dishwasher. The time he decides to empty it is usually when I'm in the middle of cooking. I'm sure I don't need to describe how frustrating that is. And every time I say, "Why do you wait until you know you'll be in my way to do that?" I usually get a patronizing response like, "Sounds like someone hasn't had his coffee yet today," or "Did you miss lunch today?" RARR.
MEN!
T.
As far as most domestic tasks go, I start things and he's expected to (and says he will) finish. This pattern was established early on, and I realize now what a terrible mistake that was. For example, I sort, wash, and dry the laundry--he folds. This is because I didn't like the way he sorted/washed/dried, and he didn't like the way I folded. Unfortunately, his mindset is "anything worth doing is worth doing well"--to a paralyzing extent. He has to take any ordinary, easy task and make it difficult. His method of laundry folding is SO precise and crisp that it can take an entire evening for him to fold a weeks washing for two people. Since he doesn't want to do that, and can't bring himself to fold like a normal person, the clean laundry instead sits unfolded in baskets around the bedroom, and every morning I pick out a rumpled outfit and throw it in the dryer for 12 minutes while I shower. (We went to a friend's new house that really had a setup that would be ideal for us--a very large walk-in closet with the master bedroom on one side and a large laundry room on the other. We could leave the baskets of clean wash in the closet and the dryer would be right there to tumble-press my clothes for the day).
Then there's unloading the dishwasher. The time he decides to empty it is usually when I'm in the middle of cooking. I'm sure I don't need to describe how frustrating that is. And every time I say, "Why do you wait until you know you'll be in my way to do that?" I usually get a patronizing response like, "Sounds like someone hasn't had his coffee yet today," or "Did you miss lunch today?" RARR.
MEN!
T.
I don't do windows (that way).. LOL
Well to be honest 90% of my relationship problems can be fixed by a visiting professional cleaner once-a-week.
as soon as FUNDZARLO is resolved......that will be forthcoming
ah... mine says with chores, OH I will get to it...
uh, Christmas is coming too....
Imgine having an infant and feeding, comforting or changing her/him when YOU wanted too?
Adulthood doesn't work that way.
Sometimes you have to switch gears as things come up.
uh, Christmas is coming too....
Imgine having an infant and feeding, comforting or changing her/him when YOU wanted too?
Adulthood doesn't work that way.
Sometimes you have to switch gears as things come up.
OK I have to lay off for a while I am posting WAY too much.
oh, Veg---
The word partner IMHO implies a 50/50 split and someone who cooperates, shares and is reasonable and perhaps realizes that they are NOT the center of the universe...
so I do like "spousal unit" MUCH better... LOL.
The word partner IMHO implies a 50/50 split and someone who cooperates, shares and is reasonable and perhaps realizes that they are NOT the center of the universe...
so I do like "spousal unit" MUCH better... LOL.
deeptub
Member
I agree--it's tough to be a couple I can't think of anything else I've done that was more difficult. I was 28 when I met Todd, and at the time I desperately wanted to be in a life-long relationship, but had also become quite set in my ways. Early in our relationship, I would look forward to Todd visiting his parents or going to a medical convention or whatever. For a weekend, or even a week, my life would be how it used to be--my freedom back, etc. Not to go out tomcatting, mind you, but just a BREAK. At that time, Todd was a first year family practice resident and his job really controlled both our lives. It's a trial to adapt one's 9-5 M-F schedule to another person's wildly variable yet inflexible schedule. When he was out of town, I could live life on my schedule exclusively. Fortunately I knew beforehand that there would be a certain amount of suffering that went along with being a doctor's spouse. I knew a wise old doctor's widow that explained how things were going to be. It's tough to not see your partner for 36 hours and then when you do see them they're and exhausted bedraggled mess. A bedraggled mess that is grateful to see you but really, truly, just needs to go to sleep.
I had my own bizarre issues that were very frustrating to Todd. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I'd find an MD for a partner, and I became very conscientious of coming off as a gold-digger. ESPECIALLY after I found out that his psychotic mother had told him that anyone that seemed interested in him would only be after his money. (This could be a whole other thread--IN-LAWS!) So I wouldn't let Todd buy me anything or help me financially in any way, although I could have used the help sometimes. In retrospect, that was massively unfair to him, because as a busy resident that was the ONLY thing he could do for me and I wouldn't let him.
I think we went through some of our toughest challenges in our first three years and somehow came out the other end unscathed. We developed a fine repertoire of recreational bickering through which problems get resolved and seldom turn ugly--and keeps the spark alive. Other people seem to find it hysterical, so it must be pretty benign in the grand scheme.
Anyway, that's us.
T.
I had my own bizarre issues that were very frustrating to Todd. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I'd find an MD for a partner, and I became very conscientious of coming off as a gold-digger. ESPECIALLY after I found out that his psychotic mother had told him that anyone that seemed interested in him would only be after his money. (This could be a whole other thread--IN-LAWS!) So I wouldn't let Todd buy me anything or help me financially in any way, although I could have used the help sometimes. In retrospect, that was massively unfair to him, because as a busy resident that was the ONLY thing he could do for me and I wouldn't let him.
I think we went through some of our toughest challenges in our first three years and somehow came out the other end unscathed. We developed a fine repertoire of recreational bickering through which problems get resolved and seldom turn ugly--and keeps the spark alive. Other people seem to find it hysterical, so it must be pretty benign in the grand scheme.
Anyway, that's us.
T.
veg-o-matic
Well-known member
Hmmm. "Posting" too much or "protesting" too much? LOL
OMG, Tom! He's cute AND a doctor? Does he have an identical twin with sefl-esteem issues? Dibs!
veg
OMG, Tom! He's cute AND a doctor? Does he have an identical twin with sefl-esteem issues? Dibs!
veg
deeptub
Member
Veg--I wish he had a twin, or even a sibling, because the world needs more people like him. OHHHH but the mother-in-law you'd have to deal with... We've always got cute doctors around, though. I'll keep my eye out for you!
A word of advice for those casting their nets out for an MD. If you're looking for a regular schedule, a healthy income, and social prestige, look for something like an anesthesiologist or a plastic surgeon. Family Medicine is pretty thankless. In fact I know a finance manager of a Jeep dealership that makes twice as much money as the family practitioners I know. They are definitely in the game because they like what they do--NOT for the money.
T.
A word of advice for those casting their nets out for an MD. If you're looking for a regular schedule, a healthy income, and social prestige, look for something like an anesthesiologist or a plastic surgeon. Family Medicine is pretty thankless. In fact I know a finance manager of a Jeep dealership that makes twice as much money as the family practitioners I know. They are definitely in the game because they like what they do--NOT for the money.
T.
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